FIDLAR? Yeah, you’re right!
A few weeks ago a friend and I were riding around Hawaii looking for the perfect spot to take some future dates. Yes, that’s right, we were scouting for the most-optimal, most-comfortable, and most-enjoyable spot to sit with a nice woman and talk about everything and nothing from dusk until dawn. I’ll let you form your own judgments on the incredible effort we’re putting out here. Anyway, while on the way back from our excursion my friend throws on some music from a band called FIDLAR. He’s played this band a few times, but on this night I finally asked him, “dude, where the hell did they get the name FIDLAR?” he cheerily replied saying,
“Fuck it, dawg, life’s a risk.”
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “Corey, that’s dumb and doesn’t warrant an entire blog post” or “Corey, are you really not going to give out the Google maps link to that perfect date spot?”
Well, it does and no, I won’t give out that sweet, sweet location. Just know that it’s on a beach blanketed in pearlescent sand and its the kind of place where you could drink wine and eat figs while sprawled out on a nice blanket. I’ll post pics one day.
Life’s a risk, dawg
If you’ve ever teetered between extreme (relatively speaking) bouts of courageous action and equally extreme recessions into cowardice, then do I have something for you! So, ever since that night where the knowledge of FIDLAR was placed upon me, I’ve started using it as a valid excuse to take more risks. These aren’t life-endangering risks. I’m talking about risks that require you to be vulnerable in front of others or to put your self in a situation that may risk your stability, be that financial, emotional, or otherwise — again, not life-endangering, but definitely uncomfortable. I find that treating this idea as an excuse rather than some motivational tool is much more effective for me. I’m going to assume this is because we often use excuses as fall-back methods to justify our actions. I’ll also add that the stakes are already clear when you keep this idea in mind. Life’s a risk. If you acknowledge this fact, then the fear of failure, or even the fear of success and its subsequent responsibility (which is an illusion) can fall by the wayside. For me, this has been much easier than trying to imagine the potential rewards or the optimal outcome of a situation in which I’m making myself vulnerable.
To make it even simpler, it’s like having one expectation for all scenarios. The expectation is outcome. Risk implies putting one thing on the line for another thing to potentially replace, remove, enhance, or change nothing about that original thing. I find this also helps me more clearly define what I value. This, in turn, helps me more quickly decide what I’m willing to risk. Let it be known, that I’m saying you need to haphazardly risk everything good in your life. What I am suggesting is that there’s healthy fear, unhealthy fear, helpful fear, unhelpful fear, made-up fear, real… you get the point.
The other end of the FIDLAR
The opposite of “FIDLAR” might be something similar to DISLMB. I mean, just try to say that aloud! It doesn’t even sound right! Also, what’s it mean?
Dawg, I’m scared. Let me be.
Now, I’m going to keep it real here… fuck that idea! If you ever want to a good exercise that will put your life in perspective then do the following:
Create a list that looks something like this:
|What did I miss out on due to unhealthy fear?||What might’ve happened if I pushed through that fear?|
|– Asking that cute barista with the nose ring for her number (you know the one).|
– Applying to a far more difficult job, but one that I feel called to do due to a fear of commitment.
– Turning down an opportunity for something I’ve always wanted due to a fear of not being good enough for it.
– Asking for feedback on personal projects that mean a lot to me.
|– Might’ve gotten her number, might’ve not, but the satisfaction of trying and risking being vulnerable would stay with me.|
– Whether they accept me or not, I can feel good about putting in an effort.
– If I make it, great! If I don’t, I’ll have experience, and more than likely a new connection in a field I care deeply about.
– The chance to see how my work is viewed by others. The chance to meet someone who has a similar passion. Maybe someone will hate my work and that’d be interesting and maybe useful to understand (or screw them, whatever, its your thing anyhow).
So, here’s the thing. The fear will always be there! So long as there is uncertainty about how a situation will unfold; so long as we feel that we risk losing something valuable to us when taking an action, there will always be fear. Again, the risk is usually something related to stability. We attempt to maintain a stable identity by avoiding things that force us to reconsider how we live and how our actions might impact others. Sometimes we’ll do whatever it takes to avoid feeling exposed and vulnerable. This is an attempt to protect our egos and not be made to feel as if we, ourselves, are wrong as opposed to an idea we hold that may be wrong. The things we most often think about have a tendency to become tied to our identities.
One easy thing you can do is find someone who’s done something you seriously fear doing. Ask them how they did and if they were scared when they did it. I bet you all my Dogecoin that they’ll say that the fear was there and did it anyway.
In truth, you can just let go of old thinking, old ideas, an older self-image, anything. It is not always easy, but sometimes it is. Sometimes it feels easier to maintain a lie than to risk letting it go. The uncertainty in our ability to come back to a place of stability is very real. It should be noted, that I’m not a psychologist or anything. Maybe there are somethings that are better off buried. Perhaps burying those things was your way of letting go (like a funeral). That said, I do think we are all acutely aware of when we are lying to ourselves about the way we are living. Those are the types of conversations that are worth having. If not by yourself, then perhaps with a counselor or therapist. If you’ve got a friend who’s a straight-shooter and will be powerfully upfront with you, then maybe they are worth talking to as well. I don’t know, man. I’m not your primary care provider. I’m just a dude on the internet who had a good friend share this useful idea with me. Even if I encounter an idea that seems insanely simple, I do my best not to discredit it based on its simplicity. Ideas click for people in different ways based on different things. I find a lot of useful life guidance from Buddhism and Taoism. Though, many of those useful ideas are echoed in other religions and plenty of other philosophies. If the road you’re own leads you to where you wish to be, then is that not the correct road?
Fork in, done did
To summarize, life is tough when you constantly live in fear of uncertainty. Sometimes it is hard to sort your shit out. However, it is always always ALWAYS worth it to try. I wasn’t kidding about that about exercise. I did one not to long ago and it forced me to look what I’ve been prioritizing over the past few months. Spoiler: Some of those priorities were unhealthy stability.
Anyhow, thanks for reading! If you dig this kind of content, then follow this page (at the top) and check out my other social media. I have a YouTube channel too! It’s a music channel and a lot of the original songs I’ve written carry themes similar to what I wrote about here.